i sit behind the blind
and watch as you try to
pick up your toy while
you lean over the hammock

braids askew
sun dress pulled down to your waist
in an attempt to make
"a long skirt"

you left your Chai Linn hat
in your cubby
so i made you "a princess hat"
by pinning costume jewelry
to an old hiking hat

you are a princess

you lean and fall

it just takes once

that was all it took for
you to know
how to balance yourself

5 years old and so wise

mama made bad choices
daddy made bad choices

i hope i made a good one


you've been with me since age 2

i bought your first big girl bed
potty trained you

bought your first pair of panties
took pictures of the first day at "school"

held you when you had bad dreams
lugged you back and forth to therapy

rode with you in the ambulance
when croup was taking your breath

watched you go from "Blues Clues"
to "Barbie"

listened as you disclosed your first kiss
and chose your first boyfriend

sat by as you swallowed
the first piece of gum

it only took once

the first vacation--
Perdido Beach Alabama

you followed Gipa
across the sand

picking up every remnant of
sea shell you could find

Christmas programs
santa on the roof
club houses and secrets
planting the first seed
and watching the sunflower grow

cousins and giggles
inflatable beds and movies

bubbles to braids
the proper lip shade for your age
Clear!

learning the names of my roses
watering the plants
picking the first carrot and
making cookies

now, mama is making good choices

my heart strangles me and

i hope i made a good one