why

We have a granddaughter that lives with us. She has been in our home since she was two. She is now five. It was meant to be a temporary situation. Her parents interact with her just enough to keep the hope alive that someday she will be reunited with them. Their constant disappointment is just enough to break her precious and trusting heart and brings her to sobbing tears. All while our legal system protects her parents and their "parental rights".

I often become angry and verbally lash out at her parents.

I often ask God to take the burden of this child away.

I often ask God to bring a change of heart in her parents and occasionally start to believe....only to be disappointed and angry once again.

I often raise my anger toward God and ask "why?". Don't I deserve to enjoy my golden years? Didn't all those years as a single parent struggling to survive and raise two children merit me a little peace now that mine are grown?

Then, I hear her laughter or she hugs my leg.

Envy
of contentment
invades me
as one who
has been violated
in the most
intimate of ways

Unable to wash
away the filth
of guilt
reflected by
ingratitude

Aware that I
am known
past, present, future
and still loved

i
writhe against
your attempts to
still my soul

Desiring only to free
myself
from my chains

A slave struggling
to be free

Spurning
the gift
i long to possess

still
i ask why

knowing i should
be overcome with
gratitude
as one found entrusted
with a life
asked to be lived
in faith

i recognize
why