My Fall Shall End

i seem to get stuck on certain words or sounds or concepts. so often i speak of seasons. maybe that is the gardener in me---the part of me that loves to watch my little patch of earth change and grow and die and grow again. i do love to nurture things. quite probably why i find myself in so many situations that i have no business being involved in. or why i am a nurse and.....why i don't want to be a nurse. frustration comes so easy for me when i see/meet someone or something that needs help/fixin' as we southerners say.

today, i am sitting on the bed in my older brother's spare bedroom. i haven't been to his house in over 15 years. we were born 16 months apart. i can't remember spending any real time with him since 1981. i was 21. i happened to find myself in searcy, arkansas.  seperated from my husband, two children under the age of four, broke..... broken.......

nov 5, 2011
51 years old, broke, broken.............no children on my hip....several in my heart

life in season

when blessed with 
a spiritual season of joy
a financial season of plenty
an emotional season of peace

i hold it at a distance
 fearing it's loss

a constant
throughout life

it's been painted as a sadness

it causes me to lock myself
inside myself
fearing if i believe it meant
for me

i wouldn't dare

whatever blessing is bringing
me joy at the moment
............is coming to an end

but nature in season

all seasons end

is that sad or frightening?
or cause to doubt the sweet breeze
that lifts my hair
and my spirit?

did God play me false
when He displayed the
colors of fall before me today?

i accept each season's end

my flesh knows
to actually prepare
for the change that is
as constant as sunrise

should the earth shift
should i be
perpetually bathed in
my beloved Fall

what of those on the other side of the earth

knowing change must come
......save the return of
the Lord of Hosts

shall i dread or lament the end
of this current season
in my spirit
my soul

or shall i anticipate
and prepare
for the next
...........with all its difficulties
...........with all its blessings and joys

shall i curl up and despair
the shedding of leaves

or stand in their midst
breathe in the promise
.....a promise
.....His Promise
.....dare i think He lied

i know
each cycle demands an end

i know
the cycle will continue
until Heaven engulfs earth

i know!

so bring on the rain
snow and cold

until
His Kingdom comes
His will is done
on earth as it is in Heaven

Oh Lord of Hosts
    rein me in
  rain on me
Reign in me

Your will