Ruby Nell






Margie Faye




Amy lynn




heather yvonne


Merci     EliZabeth




THYME

Has

A

NAME


SAY IT

bask: to lie in or be exposed to a pleasant warmth

I really long to write something this morning. Up at 3:30---age has a way of waking me with pain. But the battle is won by me because I have found that rising early gives me the time I desperately need to connect with the source of life and pain. In that source is healing. A good cup of coffee helps tremendously too.

I'm out of a job. Staying at home and doing what I love--creating a home and attempting to build a family that is strong and connected to the Giver of life. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be and doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Finances are desperate but my relationship with my granddaughter has blossomed beyond anything I could have imagined. God has brought others into my life and my heart that I would never before have allowed to get anywhere near my heart.

All children--broken children. They may be adults now but at one time they were all broken and forsaken children. Much like my own children. Maybe this is a do-over. If so Lord-give me guidance, wisdom and strength.

For so many years I resented having to care for someone else...to carry the burden of responsibility. Now that I've been freed of my self-imposed codependent obligations of the modern day superwoman---I am overcome with a desire to help and care for those whom God has put in my life that are in need. I really do love to care for those in need.

But there is one child who is not a child. My stepson.....a precious soul who is tortured with anger and self-loathing manifested by a demon in the form of alcohol. The nurturer in me cries out and longs to mother him---but he is now a man.....a father......and I am raising his daughter. I believe in the circles of life----this one has a few gaps. At the very least, some disfigurations that prevent an orbital path that produces fruitful seasons of growth.

He is the seed that didn't sprout in season. The seed that lies dormant.

So I lift this precious life before You oh my Father. Please give him back the years the locust have eaten. Please demonstrate Your wonder and love to him in a way that he can not deny or turn away from.


from warmth
into cold

first growing
then old

from naked
then wrapped
and bound tight

cry of fear.........
not a tear

not a season...
not a reason....
no sight

first soiling
....then toiling
days fade then
dissolve

slow sinking
like cole
tortured soul

gripped by need
for the dawn
.....darkness stays on

hope dims
as need
loses
sight......

fright......

tiny hopes
emerge
seeking Sun
but
submerge

into pools of poison
and lies

dies......

weak
and exposed
by nature
explodes

but eruption
breaks earth and
finds Sun

finding One

who created the seed
......the longing
.....the need

to bask in the warmth
of the Sun

to Bask in the Warmth
of the Son

ERUPT son
ERUPT sun
erupt SON

break the ground
bend the knee

FREE

"arc"

World English Dictionary
arc (ɑːk)
— n
2. part of an unbroken curved line
4. astronomy a circular section of the apparent path of a celestial body

To say "life is a journey" or "life is a circle" may be considered cliche. But so might be "I AM". One either gets it or one doesn't.

My life is a journey. At times focused and moving toward the goal or destination. It saddens me to say that most of my time has been spent wandering in the desert. God has been watching over me and providing for me but I haven't been trusting Him or following Him. I am happy to say that He has gotten my attention.

Over the last few months, I took time off, focused on my Lord, prayed to be consumed and drew nearer to Him than I ever thought possible while in a fleshly form.

Then I found the "perfect" job. I loved it! I praised God for it. Then I was fired. Yep---terminated---escorted to my desk, gathered up all my belongings in front of coworkers who wouldn't look away from their computers and escorted to my car.

Of course I was an innocent victim and as such I dedicated several days and weeks in seeking exoneration and justice. I recoiled in depression and lashed out in anger. I knew that God had led me to that position--never did I doubt Him. I still don't.

He has brought me even closer. My finances are a nightmare. My home may be in foreclosure. My marriage almost crashed and burned. I spiraled and then landed right in my own home. He brought me home.

My relationship with my granddaughter has flourished. I have been terminated as the "controller" of my home and family. I am learning my rightful place as a child of God, a wife and the caretaker of a treasured gift given me in the form of a child.

Child---that is where I am now. While trying to exonerate myself, I went on a search that took me to the bowels of hell on this planet. True stories of children who have been murdered and abused while in the care of our government. I was furious and wanted to expose every individual and agency involved in these horrendous acts of neglect and abuse.

Then I was humbled. The target of my finger pointing was a moving target. At least they were moving-or trying to do something. I stood in judgement but what was my solution?

If anyone should happen to read this, I ask for your prayers. I've always heard the word "calling" and nodded in understanding. But did I believe? Was I making trifle agreement of the hand of God moving in/on this earth?

Life is a journey gifted to us by the I AM. And it is a circle because He was present when life was breathed into me and He will be present when I breathe my last.

Every day, I am an arc.

Words

once tr u  st is brok  en.......... it is lost

piecesnolongerfit

Words         become

   consonants  and vowels forced to cohabitate

.....audible..... NO meaning

possibly
    
     elbaterpretin
               erintablepret
                        interpretable
                
            after much re
                                pe
                                    ti
                                      ti
                                        on


but liken to

    ancient civilizations......or languages

                                           remnants prove it once existed
             
.....but  it's   true meaning is forever

                        gone.............

midnight

there is no silence

a

train in the distance

the occasional clack

of the dryer in the next room

closer...

 the train roars closer

a vibration of power in motion

unstoppable momentum

passing so quickly

the sound doesn't fade

it ceases

suddenly

leaving stillness

even the dryer has stopped

only the clock ticks

only the clock ticks

clock tick

clock tick

tick

tick

another train coming

this one sounds

the approach

sounds

sounds

taking the sound

to a destination

unknown to me

no silence

tick

tick

tick

Secure

I see You through the clouds

oh God

I hear Your chime of voice

My soul consoles a fretful mind

and Spirit ruptures forth

to herald One whose name is True

to depths of love no end

Assurance wraps itself around

I collapse into Your hand

Snow Day

It's been a while since I last posted. Actually, I was drawn back to the blogger world by a friend's new blog site and couldn't resist glancing at my own.

It feels like it's been decades since I visited my old friend and yet somehow I feel younger.

Today is a blessing from God. Snowbound  due to work being closed (oh how I love this state job) and "forced" to sit here in my favorite room, in by favorite chair, doing my favorite thing-----nothing. Actually, I have filled the bird feeders and surrounded myself with books and laptop. Outside my window is a winter wonderland of downy quiet accented by cardinals, finches, sparrows and occasionally a woodpecker. I even saw a robin that was so fat it is a wonder he can fly. Heaven on earth for me. It would be perfect except for the fact that my husband is home and schools are closed.

You see, both my husband and my granddaughter are the type of personality that when given a moment of silence they feel the overwhelming need to fill it with music, words or television. When that no longer fulfills their needs, they insist on "doing something" which consists of dressing, driving (cursing traffic) and spending money. After which, I am filled with resentment because I am physically and emotionally exhausted and guilt ridden for wasting a day doing something I didn't want to do and spending money I didn't need to spend. But not wanting to be selfish, I usually try to negotiate for some alone time and then spend the rest of the day acquiescing.

As usual, after a cup of joe I insisted on some time alone in my sun room in order to gather my thoughts and spend some time with God. I closed the french doors but the glass allowed me to watch them begin to circle after about thirty  minutes. Feeling the tension rising in me, knowing what was to come.....I opened the doors. Both were perched beside me within seconds and demanding to know what I wanted to do. Since I usually respond with: "what do you guys want to do?"....they were both surprised when I replied with: "I'm doing it.". My husband gave me an indignant smirk and stated that before the end of the day he was going to "do something"-implying I was wasting a perfectly good day.  I replied with "do you think that reading a book and watching birds is doing nothing?". No response. My granddaughter started to cry because she wanted to go shopping and was sent to her room.

As it turns out, I am once again alone, except for my Yorkie, doing what I love best---nothing. My husband is soaking in the tub (with a magazine) and my granddaughter is in her room drawing.

Most amazing of all..........we all seem content.

Kudos Amy---let's visit the Keurig one more time.

why

What do I say lord???

What do I do???

How do I know…
If you know…
That I’m looking to you…?

Do you feel when I need you?

Do you know when I cry?

How dare I doubt you!!!!!!

Or even ask why!!!!!

But I do….

Rising from the Ashes

Meditating on His ways this morning. Some very hard roads have been traversed the last few weeks but I  feel so much healing taking place within me. My God is so good! I'm borrowing this song I found on "Devoted" blog. It pretty much sums up what I would like to say.

http://www.playlist.com/playlist/additem/728980497

I am so loving this fall. Time for the earth to get ready for bed. Pull the blanket of leaves and mulch over itself and prepare for a winter's nap.

What a year. Feels like it's been a decade. Looking over my yard I am amazed at how much I've been able to accomplish. And it all began with a child and a very unpleasant situation that forced me into counseling-which led to a diagnosis-which led to some very difficult days of adjusting medication- which led to torrents of emotions-which led to channeling energy into digging, planting, creating-which led to my sitting here in my world of peaceful contentment as I listen to the laughter of a child.

Thank You my most Heavenly Father! You have walked so close beside me this year and seen me through. Most days it was "just enough light for the step I'm on" as Beth Moore says. So very true! You have proven Yourself to me over and over again.

Venus Rising

rage, rape, rain
humid stifling guilt
strangled by confusion
shadows pulled over light
sheets drawn over hollow orbs

just orbs-not I's
clenched tight against the darkness
forced only by exhaustion
to face the dawn

slumping
...dragging
......crawling
..........stumbling
toward the only door i see

tap,tap,tapping

hope,hope,hoping

familyair face

slam,slam,slamming

hearing the cold beating clink of your lock
and the rusty slide of your chains
i shiver in dazed confusion

what form
of fear did you recognize
at your door
.....mine
.....his
.....yours

--------------------------------------------------------
eye see shells
held close they echo
the sound of waves......

waves begun by ages past......
birthed long before
the ripples of pain

i dentify
exoskeleton of survival
washed away by time
nurtured in the depths
caught up in a raging current
of storming need

i dentify
as my Venus rises from the sees
Grace dons
my shimmering robe
of Voice

finding my shore
i reach and open the door
My Door......
left open to feel the breeze
and the warmth
of the Son

cracking

cracking the shell of recognition
helplessly gasping
contents slide through grasping

......falling off the wall
......having a great fall
......unable to put together again

fragments
collide with gravity
sparking a flicker of
understanding





layers of years

no vision

just tears

knowing only the hurt

not the why

still i cry

my only friend pain

knows me well

i remain

no name

Temporary setback caused by some family confrontation. Not sure if I've done the right thing but then if I hadn't I would have spent the rest of my life wondering......what if?  I tell myself that people don't change. At least I can't and shouldn't expect others to change. But for myself, I hope that at least one person will remember me as someone who went down swinging trying to make my life and the lives I touch a better place to not just exist but enjoy. I'm sure I cause and inflict pain on some and for that I can only say I'm sorry. I do not harbor any malicious intent but occasionally need to exercise a little self defense. Truly--this day, this hour--my heart feels only love and good intentions for all those around me and affected by my life.

Surrender

"Whenever you turn your faith to your mind to manage, you always end up in a crisis of faith".

outside the box
is where i now sit
i'm wondering where
i shall put all my shit


outside the box
feels big and alone
or is it that boundries
are forever gone


outside the box
no horizons i see
no goals to be met
just dreams running free


outside the box
my faults i can't hide
or is that the point
there is no inside

Mag 30

Red....like fall....like daring.....like blood

Green....like new beginnings....like tranquil...like aged stone

combined in an orb
meant for digestion
imperfections obvious

oh the choices.....
to eat or not to eat?
that is the question

maybe sweet and crisp
maybe mushy
maybe a worm in the middle

take a bite of imperfection?
hoping---expecting
sweet and crisp
and juice running down my chin....

or spend a lifetime waiting...
...for perfection?
and possibly still find a worm...

a magpie tale

I'm hunting for rainbows
... they're under a rock

I'm hunting for sunshine
...someone's stuffed in a sock

I'm hunting for smiles
...they're deep in a well

I'm hunting for love
....only time will tell----

If rainbows
and sunshine
and smiles
and love

are really worth hunting

unless from above

Vision

KNOW (MY) LIFE'S VISION

From my devotional this morning:

"We are "called according to His purpose", not according to the need, or the fact that the door is open, or that our talent will be appreciated and well rewarded. Your vision must fulfill your God-ordained destiny, nothing else."

"The only thing worse that being blind, is having sight but no vision."  Helen Keller

Look within me---what moves me?
Look behind me---what are my life's experiences?
Look around me---who have I surrounded myself with?
Look ahead of me---where do I want to go? what do I want to accomplish?
Look beside me--what resources do I have readily available to me? what do I feed myself with?
Look above me---what is my Father's purpose for me today and the rest of my life?

mag 29

Breath held still against the wind

fearing a single breeze would

reveal the empty pane

that frames my hidden desire

to find

home

written for Magpie Tales

St. Teresa of Avila

"God alone is enough."

"Let nothing upset you,
let nothing startle you.
All things pass;
God does not change.
Patience wins
all it seeks.
Whoever has God
lacks nothing:
God alone is enough."