Tuesday, February 23, 2010

the battlefield

I read Bugs, Knights... blog from 3 days ago. The frustration she is feeling-my heart hurts so much for her and for her little knight. Never would I be so presumptuous as to think that I understand her torment but I do understand the feeling from the joy of being healed only to drop once again into the chasm of relapse. Then off to the doctor for an increase in medication. And the cycle repeats itself.

Where does it stop? Will the point be reached that no further help will be available and the joy once known is gone forever?

I console myself with the fact that I have finally learned to try to live in the moment. More and more I attempt to practice mindfulness. The sun is brighter, the child's smile is sweeter, my insight into my patients is deeper, even the sun on my face while sitting in traffic (my children will laugh considering my history of road rage).

Right now I am watching my grandson (my autistic grandson) set up a battlefield of Star Wars characters. His dialogue is intense and wonderful. For me, the battlefield is coping with the both of us being "abnormal". But watching his intensity and joy in simple plastic objects...his mindfulness...the way he cherishes the moment----then the thought occurs to me regarding little knight and my j bob...who is really abnormal? Maybe all children have a direct line to God and know when something is wrong in the spiritual realm. Maybe some have a more acute awareness!
I actually think all children have the gift of spiritual awareness. Only to mean that I had the same gift and somewhere, somehow--lost it. You know, while I was striving to be normal.
Just a thought.

There is always a dawn after the battle-just ask little knight and jb!


The glimpse once seen,
The song once sung,
Is it now forever gone?

My God I cry
To you above.
For only You do hold---

The key that bids my
Heart come forth
And kneel among the stars.

Then greet the day
And shun the dark,
Forever to be sure…

That life will ever
Once again
My love of light to sing!

Until the day
of constant sun
And Thee forever dawn.


  1. We are not weak if we make a proper use of those means which the God of Nature has placed in our power... the battle, sir, is not to the strong alone it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. ~Patrick Henry~

    ...our boys are brave to say the least! and whether we want to be or not that daughter of yours and i will side-by-side continue to be vigilant and active on their behalf! Praise His Name for "those means" which He has given us to fight with!!!

  2. You and my daughter are probably the most vigilant people I know. God help anyone in oppostion to your battle. You two make formidable foes and I am proud to know you and be on your side. Let's keep up the fight!