Expectations

Just came from my therapist's office. The topic of discussion was: telling my parents about my diagnosis. The first question out of her mouth was-"Why do you want to?"

So...why do I want to?????.........because I want to be able to share everything with my parents. Because I'm in a new and joyful world where forgiveness comes easy. Because I've never had a close relationship with my parents and I want one. Because this is the kind of thing that members of a family share with one another (at least in my storybook mind).

Initially I thought maybe I could subconsciously be wanting to lash out or use this opportunity to feel vindicated. But, I truly do not feel that is my motive. My parents are who they are and I accept them for it. But what they are or were happened NOT to include being affectionate or accepting. (it occurs to me that the mere fact I want to publish that to the world may indicate that I haven't forgiven).

It would just be nice if they would only acknowledge their shortcomings....or maybe even say they were sorry. I suppose I AM living in a storybook world. And what of all the people out there who were in a much more dysfunctional family than mine and have learned to cope and forgive.

So after having placed my thoughts in writing, I will say that my therapist was right (as usual). We ended the session with her suggesting that I think about and possibly list or dialogue about what my expectations were. Initially I thought that wouldn't take long. But it might..........especially since it appears I haven't even worked through the first question.....WHY?