Today is a new day. I've changed my site header from "thoughts on being diagnosed as Bipolar at age fifty" to "thoughts on beginning life at age 50". Who cares what my diagnosis might be? I'm excited about the future. Finally the page is turning and a new story is about to begin.
Last night was a night filled with internet wandering through pictures from the Depression Era. Mostly works by Dorthea Lange (as you can see by those posted on my home page). How could I have the audicity to even begin to feel sorry for myself? Blessings have been bestowed on me beyond even the wildest imagination. There have certainly been times when the next meal was meager but there was always a next meal for me and my children. The mere thought of my children or my grandchildren going hungry is enough to make me hang my head in guilt as well as shame for ever thinking that I had been dealt an undesireable hand.
My change of heart was also influenced by my pastor's words today. Something to the effect that: if we are believers in the power of our most awesome God, then why do we not spend as much time in prayer when asking for the solution to a problem as we spend trying to find the solution? (hope that made sense).
So in celebration of my newfound lack of self pity, I once again have been reenergized. So I began to peruse my collection of unread garden magazines. A spark ignited within me! Realization dawned on me that this year I would have the energy to actually spend time doing one of the things I love best: gardening...flower gardening.
I absolutely love flowers, most especially roses. Every year there has been some project that I would begin...some area of the yard to transform. But each and every year there has always been a draining of my desire to bring those ideas to completion.
Not this year!!! Thus, when I saw the picture of a Chaste Tree in Organic Gardener this month, my mouth began to salivate. You see, I have a beautiful Chaste Tree in the corner of my back yard. This flower bed happened to be small enough to complete without a vast amount of energy. Last year I just sowed some wildflower seeds and as you can see from the picture posted, it turned out beautifully!
So the gauntlet is being thrown down. I am in competition with myself to create a beautiful canvas in my own backyard. Let's see what a little challenge can motivate me to do in this small patch of heaven God has chosen to bless me with! God forgive me for my selfishness and hang on for the loam and compost ride of the century!