heaven?

what is the sound of heaven?

triumphant horns
or a breeze tossed chime

the laughter of a child
or maybe-
the whisper of love in your ear

a symphony of frogs
or-
silence-
on a black bordered, starlit night

i think it all of these
-and none

For Sheri

You never know how the smallest word of encouragement may turn someones day or even life in a totally different direction.

I have a blog friend, Sheri, who sent me several messages of encouragement.

There is an area outside my sun room that was recently destroyed by a storm. I had created a beautiful shade garden that was suddenly filled with afternoon sun. All the hard work of planting ferns, hostas and impatiens was ruined overnight. I was despairing about it one morning blog and Sheri responded with an understanding word of encouragement.

Probably without knowing how much her words affected me-I decided to make the most of the hand I'd been dealt. This new outlook spilled over into so many areas of both my garden and my life (much to the despair of my neighbor :) I busted up old stones that lined symmetrical borders. I also built a river bed--mostly dry but able to channel rain (or tears) when needed.

So I've been working hard to make the most of the area that means so much to me. I could ramble for paragraphs about what this experience has taught me...turning shade into sunshine....busting up established borders... But this post is about gratitude.

Right now I just want to dedicate my garden to Sheri.

entry to the garden

new path leading into garden

area outside my serenity room

(shaded now but soon to be filled with sun)

view from my serenity room

Thank You Sheri for being you!!

Mag 27

once sparkling and new-
the threads of our joints
moved and intertwined
freely....

joining one another
smoothly
without effort

creating a union
that was unique
to us alone

serving a purpose
that only we-
two parts joined as one-
could serve

but time and age
brought inevitable
deterioration

no longer able to
seperate without
one or both crumbling

a union once necessary
-now old
-no longer serving the grander purpose
possibly forgotten

except by us

for Magpie Tales

Acceptance

I opened my eyes this morning and the demon of depression was perched at the foot of my bed...I knew he would be there....even clamping my eyelids shut and turning the other direction did not outwit him. He is quick and stealthy....always able to anticipate my every move....and thought.....

"if only they loved me"...."what is it about me that caused them so much disappointment?" he whispered in my ear............

a song suddenly appeared out of the shadows of my mind-
"All we need is love....da,da,da,da,dah.....All we need is love"

"NO!" a voice within me responded--"ALL WE NEED IS ACCEPTANCE".

LOVE HAS BEEN CHEAPENED AND DISGUISED.....I LOVE LOTS OF PEOPLE....BUT I STILL SIT IN JUDGEMENT OF THEIR ACTIONS, LIVES AND BELIEFS.

Acceptance.......i wanted to write a poem about acceptance.
 
Forcing myself out of bed and grabbing a cup of coffee, I headed to the sunroom with journal and pen in hand. As I searched for a fresh, clean page to unload my thoughts...I reread some of my writings over the last few weeks. I've been reading a book called "Entering the Castle". The most recent chapter has been on spiritual graces that we need to meditate on and develop.  The list consists of: compassion, harmony, wisdom, love, endurance, humor, patience, healing and vision.

I reread my own writings: 

vision-the "acceptance: of circumstances before everything works out for the best"
harmony-"accept what I have now"
healing-"acceptance of myself with all my flaws...allow things to flow through me. I don't have to evaluate everything--nor am I responsible"
endurance-"coming together with harmony, vision and healing...planting my feet/heart firmly on the rock of Jesus Christ--the giver of all....the Lord of creation".

Looking up I notice the demon is gone.......I accept this gift......no exceptions! 

Sole
m
   n  Heart,chill
ed air,
Rain n the
  dis
     t
      a
        n
         c
           e
held a tArm's
      l
   e
n
  g
     t
      h
unAble to
W
i
  t
   h
   s
   t
and life'sP ain
S train n the
nea
   r
 n
e
s
s
 A
   lone
 A
    gain
-
-
-
tOO
         familyAir

Window Lickin'

Recently I decided to allow myself some emotional freedom...sort of a "think outside the box" approach....

My new approach to life has manifested itself mostly in my yard.

I dug up all the symmetrical paving stones that defined the borders of the beds. I smashed some, turned some on their side and placed some upside down---trying to achieve a "crumbled foundation" look.

I love it but evidently my neighbor does not. He's one of those guys whose shrubs are all perfectly rounded, trimmed and evenly matched.

Yesterday I discovered that he had rearranged my stones back into their original symmetrical fashion. At first I was angry but I decided to just rescatter them in my very askew fashion. Then I sat back to watch his response as he arrived home.

Priceless!!!!

He actually came up to me and said my new bed "looks like somebody just dumped some rocks and left them". I  thanked him and told him that was the look I was trying to achieve.

As he walked away, I sat back down to enjoy my creation and realized this new outlook on life may seem a little crazy to some.

Then it came to me....


"I'm window lickin' on the short bus of life"

the glass is cool 
the sensation on my tongue
ignites a feeling within me
that i long to explore

the bus is yellow---like the sun

my destination is unknown
but.....i don't care

i'm enjoying the ride

Soul Sharing

Recently I've taken up reading the archived posts of the blogs I follow. It has been especially fascinating to watch individuals evolve in the blog world. It also gives a special insight to new found friends that I probably will never meet. I can say for myself that blogging allows me to safely reveal parts of me that I normally would not share because of my insecurity. There is safety in anonymity (and so far I've only received acceptance). Suz recently called it "masterbation of the soul"...very well put!

Last night I was drawn to a new site authored by Templeton's Fury. If you suffer from depression or deal with someone dealing with depression, I highly recommend this blog. Especially her earlier works done in June and July. She is absolutely masterful with her words in describing depression and also has a great sense of humor depicted in many other posts.

Anyway, I would like to thank everyone who shares their hearts and makes themselves vulnerable by opening their lives me. It really helps me with my healing process and to diffuse the bomb of isolation.

P.S.  If you really want experience an awesome evolution.....go back and read some waystation one early works.

Happy Blog Day to Everyone!!!!!

Theme Thursday

hands on the wheel of my life
course confidently mapped-
suddenly
i found myself

overboard

into the unexpected
flailing with fear
swallowed whole
disoriented
longing to breathe and
desperate for direction
struggling alone
against the unknown


--------------

against hope

the hand of innocence appeared
initially stubborn to accept the offered choice
of survival
only exhaustion forced me
to surrender
reaching for the hand of a child
she pulled me into the Light--
into the heart of God
reborn
baptized in the sea of unconditional love

this is a Theme Thursday tribute to my granddaughter who has "temporarily" lived with us for almost 4 years

mag 25

some say

the eyes are the keys to the soul

i know where the key lies

the key is to see

the lies

with the eyes of my soul

swallow the key

close the I's

never to be opened

unless

picked by an

unwelcome intruder

...or blind trust

there is no key

only the i of my soul

a magpie tale

Striving

Once again I find myself sitting in my sun room overlooking the backyard. This is the place I am drawn to lately...my meditation room. Each morning I try to steal some time to sit, pray and prepare for the day.

The windows overlook an area of my backyard that was the focus of my attention this past spring. Trees provided daily shade and a very tranquil feel. Many an hour and dollar were spent planning and planting  a nice shade garden that included multiple varieties of hostas, impatiens, and ferns. As the perfect backdrop, I hung three coconut straw baskets that trailed vines and flowers.

About a month ago I came home from work after a very long, grueling shift to find that a storm had taken out a large branch of the center tree. My shade garden was now filled with sun for most of the day.
For weeks  I have struggled for ideas to salvage my original plans. As a quick aesthetic fix I planted some sun loving plants in my coconut baskets but every thing wilted and died.....or so I thought.

Two weeks ago I noticed a squirrel in a basket gathering pieces of the coconut hay. He jumped from basket to basket trampling each and every plant. My first reaction was to put cactus and succulents in their place to deter the pest but gradually I've come to notice many a bird gathering straw from the same baskets...wrens, cardinals, robins and finches.

This morning I sat down and began to offer up my usual prayer of forgiveness.....frustrated with myself and my inability to be what I long and strive to be.....

Looking up at the frayed baskets outside the window, an idea occurred to me...instead of spending so much time and effort trying to deter the squirrels and birds---I will just allow them free access to the straw and place feeders in the center of the baskets. (Maybe as a compromise, I could cut holes in the bottom of the baskets and plant some trailing vine ;).

Absolute Surrender

For some reason it never occurred to me that everything I've been through in life may not have been God's perfect and holy will, but He did allow it to happen.

Just like Joseph and his many colored coat.....chapters of my life that brought so much pain and anguish....were transformed from years of isolation and misunderstanding into the exact person at the exact time in history to fulfill God's plan.

Have I fulfilled the plan???
am I fulfilling the plan???
will I fulfill the plan???

Regardless...

With my absolute surrender comes His absolute sovereignty and the peace that indwells knowing I am who, where and what He wants me to be--right here---right now.

I am a mere interpretation of the "me" He truly sees.
I am just an image of the eternal "me".


Layers of life
perfectly placed
against the backdrop of my heart


Beams from heaven
dissected into various hues
by the prism of my flesh


Images----
of divine nature
cast upon rippled pools
----ever shifting
----ever changing


Reflections----
of what only a
Master could create


I pose
in
Absolute Surrender

serendipity

dollars... tucked away
some in pocket
some in purse

held close...fearing loss

eager for adventure
giggling with anticipation
innocence tumbling
through an open door

searching for a treasure...

one finds easily
one watches carefully
one takes inventory
     and moves on

longing to find their desires...

one spends freely
one holds tightly
one coaxes a toddler
     away from the street

praying I will always remember...

moments
tucked away

held close...fearing loss

A beautiful Saturday spent garage saling with three grandchildren. I was blessed with a newfound perspective and appreciation for each of their unique personalities and how they approached the endeavor.

Every day children are subjected to acts of horrific violence.

Today my heart is heavy with grief.

My thoughts led me down a path that could only attempt to imagine what it would be like to live in an impoverished environment where violence, drugs  and other unspeakable acts of darkness are considered commonplace.


Innocence collected by gloved strangers
Echoes of childhood--
boxed and shelved

Peace is a prayer
Fear the companion

Magpie Tales

My bristling youth

strove for perfection

and glistened with innocent

trust

But years stained the palette

and yellowed the page...

while innocence faded

to dusk

Though youth now recedes-

and tarnish with age

though frames become wrinkled

with time

The jar by my bed

will hold joy of my life-

his hand gently cradled

in mine

written for Magpie Tales

BLUE

"I'm so blue"
is often said
when heart is long
and tears run free

"I'm so blue"
why does it mean
that darkness nears
and overtakes

Blue to me...
the color of sky
a robin's egg
the ocean wide

Blue to me...
the eyes I trust
the color of peace
in arms of love


for Theme Thursday

should a pure white cloud

lonG for the colors of a rainbow

or a raindrop

wish to be a breeze

each a treasure that weaves

a wondrous creation

so are the gIfts of each

circumstance

treasures of time

freely giVen

every beat of my heart

and breath of my life

seEds to be planted-

nourished

to create

glory

whether the rain

heed the SoN

God in ME

Stillness

As I was walking out of my granddaughter's daycare today, I happened to notice a bluebird perched on the branch of a crepe myrtle. Something made me stop to appreciate the beautiful richness of the blue on his back combined with the red breast. When I approached he flew away but happened to land on my car. Again I stopped and wondered at such an awesome creation. Deep within me I felt that I had been given a sign from God of reassurance that He was with me and wanted me to know how special I am to Him.



When I arrived back at home, I felt an urgency to begin working on the many tasks that were bombarding my brain....make the beds, do the dishes, wash some clothes, sweep the floors. Then a still voice within me beckoned me to my sunroom to just sit, be still and enjoy the quiet of the morning.


So here I sit with a cup of tea. In the distance I hear a train and watch as birds fly in and out of the trees outside the window. At first I had to struggle with my mind to overcome the feeling that I was being lazy or irresponsible. Then I looked down at my hands. I mean really looked at my hands...and realized they have lost their youth. Fifty years have past...life hasn't been easy...it shows in my hands...


When I look up I see a robin sitting on our fence. He's a bit odd because he has a black and white speckled head. We first noticed him when we moved here almost five years ago and he has remained a constant visitor throughout all the seasons. My husband and I speculate that he is quite old. I’m not sure if birds grow white on top as they age- but that is the tale we tell of him. Often times I have tried to take a picture of this unusual bird but have yet to capture him on film. A frequent, elusive visitor...I know the day will come when I realize I haven't seen him for a while.


My mind stills itself as I once again sense the gift of reassurance that I am special and I feel comforted. Peaceful stillness...my elusive visitor.  I take another sip of tea.

why

We have a granddaughter that lives with us. She has been in our home since she was two. She is now five. It was meant to be a temporary situation. Her parents interact with her just enough to keep the hope alive that someday she will be reunited with them. Their constant disappointment is just enough to break her precious and trusting heart and brings her to sobbing tears. All while our legal system protects her parents and their "parental rights".

I often become angry and verbally lash out at her parents.

I often ask God to take the burden of this child away.

I often ask God to bring a change of heart in her parents and occasionally start to believe....only to be disappointed and angry once again.

I often raise my anger toward God and ask "why?". Don't I deserve to enjoy my golden years? Didn't all those years as a single parent struggling to survive and raise two children merit me a little peace now that mine are grown?

Then, I hear her laughter or she hugs my leg.

Envy
of contentment
invades me
as one who
has been violated
in the most
intimate of ways

Unable to wash
away the filth
of guilt
reflected by
ingratitude

Aware that I
am known
past, present, future
and still loved

i
writhe against
your attempts to
still my soul

Desiring only to free
myself
from my chains

A slave struggling
to be free

Spurning
the gift
i long to possess

still
i ask why

knowing i should
be overcome with
gratitude
as one found entrusted
with a life
asked to be lived
in faith

i recognize
why

Mag 17

Suddenly i realize

His love is for

free

even me

the prodigal she

Brian at waystationone wrote a piece the other day about a child I assume was in foster care.
I can't stop thinking about that child....what does the future hold for someone tossed around by life void of love and security?

eyes bloodshot
body tweaking
begging for the
absolution that only a
chemical can bestow

modesty long lost
lifestyle apparent
i am instantly behind
the wheel of judgement-
ready to remove society
of it's burden

then you touch my hand-

my first instinct is to withdraw...
who knows what
lingers there?

thoughts invades my conscience...

you were once a child...
did anyone ever care?
did anyone ever hold
your hand when it was small?

slowly i release your grasp...

walking away
trying to breath through
the hand of judgement
smothering
my shame