What do I say lord???
What do I do???
How do I know…
If you know…
That I’m looking to you…?
Do you feel when I need you?
Do you know when I cry?
How dare I doubt you!!!!!!
Or even ask why!!!!!
But I do….
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Rising from the Ashes
Meditating on His ways this morning. Some very hard roads have been traversed the last few weeks but I feel so much healing taking place within me. My God is so good! I'm borrowing this song I found on "Devoted" blog. It pretty much sums up what I would like to say.
http://www.playlist.com/playlist/additem/728980497
Friday, October 8, 2010
I am so loving this fall. Time for the earth to get ready for bed. Pull the blanket of leaves and mulch over itself and prepare for a winter's nap.
What a year. Feels like it's been a decade. Looking over my yard I am amazed at how much I've been able to accomplish. And it all began with a child and a very unpleasant situation that forced me into counseling-which led to a diagnosis-which led to some very difficult days of adjusting medication- which led to torrents of emotions-which led to channeling energy into digging, planting, creating-which led to my sitting here in my world of peaceful contentment as I listen to the laughter of a child.
Thank You my most Heavenly Father! You have walked so close beside me this year and seen me through. Most days it was "just enough light for the step I'm on" as Beth Moore says. So very true! You have proven Yourself to me over and over again.
What a year. Feels like it's been a decade. Looking over my yard I am amazed at how much I've been able to accomplish. And it all began with a child and a very unpleasant situation that forced me into counseling-which led to a diagnosis-which led to some very difficult days of adjusting medication- which led to torrents of emotions-which led to channeling energy into digging, planting, creating-which led to my sitting here in my world of peaceful contentment as I listen to the laughter of a child.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Venus Rising
rage, rape, rain
humid stifling guilt
strangled by confusion
shadows pulled over light
sheets drawn over hollow orbs
just orbs-not I's
clenched tight against the darkness
forced only by exhaustion
to face the dawn
slumping
...dragging
......crawling
..........stumbling
toward the only door i see
tap,tap,tapping
hope,hope,hoping
familyair face
slam,slam,slamming
hearing the cold beating clink of your lock
and the rusty slide of your chains
i shiver in dazed confusion
what form
of fear did you recognize
at your door
.....mine
.....his
.....yours
--------------------------------------------------------
eye see shells
held close they echo
the sound of waves......
waves begun by ages past......
birthed long before
the ripples of pain
i dentify
exoskeleton of survival
washed away by time
nurtured in the depths
caught up in a raging current
of storming need
i dentify
as my Venus rises from the sees
Grace dons
my shimmering robe
of Voice
finding my shore
i reach and open the door
My Door......
left open to feel the breeze
and the warmth
of the Son
Thursday, September 30, 2010
cracking
cracking the shell of recognition
helplessly gasping
contents slide through grasping
......falling off the wall
......having a great fall
......unable to put together again
fragments
collide with gravity
sparking a flicker of
understanding
helplessly gasping
contents slide through grasping
......falling off the wall
......having a great fall
......unable to put together again
fragments
collide with gravity
sparking a flicker of
understanding
Saturday, September 25, 2010
layers of years
no vision
just tears
knowing only the hurt
not the why
still i cry
my only friend pain
knows me well
i remain
no name
Temporary setback caused by some family confrontation. Not sure if I've done the right thing but then if I hadn't I would have spent the rest of my life wondering......what if? I tell myself that people don't change. At least I can't and shouldn't expect others to change. But for myself, I hope that at least one person will remember me as someone who went down swinging trying to make my life and the lives I touch a better place to not just exist but enjoy. I'm sure I cause and inflict pain on some and for that I can only say I'm sorry. I do not harbor any malicious intent but occasionally need to exercise a little self defense. Truly--this day, this hour--my heart feels only love and good intentions for all those around me and affected by my life.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
outside the box
is where i now sit
i'm wondering where
i shall put all my shit
outside the box
feels big and alone
or is it that boundries
are forever gone
outside the box
no horizons i see
no goals to be met
just dreams running free
outside the box
my faults i can't hide
or is that the point
there is no inside
is where i now sit
i'm wondering where
i shall put all my shit
outside the box
feels big and alone
or is it that boundries
are forever gone
outside the box
no horizons i see
no goals to be met
just dreams running free
outside the box
my faults i can't hide
or is that the point
there is no inside
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Mag 30
Red....like fall....like daring.....like blood
Green....like new beginnings....like tranquil...like aged stone
combined in an orb
meant for digestion
imperfections obvious
oh the choices.....
to eat or not to eat?
that is the question
maybe sweet and crisp
maybe mushy
maybe a worm in the middle
take a bite of imperfection?
hoping---expecting
sweet and crisp
and juice running down my chin....
or spend a lifetime waiting...
...for perfection?
and possibly still find a worm...
a magpie tale
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Vision
KNOW (MY) LIFE'S VISION
From my devotional this morning:
"We are "called according to His purpose", not according to the need, or the fact that the door is open, or that our talent will be appreciated and well rewarded. Your vision must fulfill your God-ordained destiny, nothing else."
"The only thing worse that being blind, is having sight but no vision." Helen Keller
Look within me---what moves me?
Look behind me---what are my life's experiences?
Look around me---who have I surrounded myself with?
Look ahead of me---where do I want to go? what do I want to accomplish?
Look beside me--what resources do I have readily available to me? what do I feed myself with?
Look above me---what is my Father's purpose for me today and the rest of my life?
From my devotional this morning:
"We are "called according to His purpose", not according to the need, or the fact that the door is open, or that our talent will be appreciated and well rewarded. Your vision must fulfill your God-ordained destiny, nothing else."
"The only thing worse that being blind, is having sight but no vision." Helen Keller
Look within me---what moves me?
Look behind me---what are my life's experiences?
Look around me---who have I surrounded myself with?
Look ahead of me---where do I want to go? what do I want to accomplish?
Look beside me--what resources do I have readily available to me? what do I feed myself with?
Look above me---what is my Father's purpose for me today and the rest of my life?
Thursday, August 26, 2010
mag 29
Breath held still against the wind
fearing a single breeze would
reveal the empty pane
that frames my hidden desire
to find
home
written for Magpie Tales
Monday, August 23, 2010
St. Teresa of Avila
"God alone is enough."
"Let nothing upset you,
let nothing startle you.
All things pass;
God does not change.
Patience wins
all it seeks.
Whoever has God
lacks nothing:
God alone is enough."
"Let nothing upset you,
let nothing startle you.
All things pass;
God does not change.
Patience wins
all it seeks.
Whoever has God
lacks nothing:
God alone is enough."
Saturday, August 21, 2010
heaven?
what is the sound of heaven?
triumphant horns
or a breeze tossed chime
the laughter of a child
or maybe-
the whisper of love in your ear
a symphony of frogs
or-
silence-
on a black bordered, starlit night
i think it all of these
-and none
triumphant horns
or a breeze tossed chime
the laughter of a child
or maybe-
the whisper of love in your ear
a symphony of frogs
or-
silence-
on a black bordered, starlit night
i think it all of these
-and none
Thursday, August 19, 2010
For Sheri
You never know how the smallest word of encouragement may turn someones day or even life in a totally different direction.
I have a blog friend, Sheri, who sent me several messages of encouragement.
There is an area outside my sun room that was recently destroyed by a storm. I had created a beautiful shade garden that was suddenly filled with afternoon sun. All the hard work of planting ferns, hostas and impatiens was ruined overnight. I was despairing about it one morning blog and Sheri responded with an understanding word of encouragement.
Probably without knowing how much her words affected me-I decided to make the most of the hand I'd been dealt. This new outlook spilled over into so many areas of both my garden and my life (much to the despair of my neighbor :) I busted up old stones that lined symmetrical borders. I also built a river bed--mostly dry but able to channel rain (or tears) when needed.
So I've been working hard to make the most of the area that means so much to me. I could ramble for paragraphs about what this experience has taught me...turning shade into sunshine....busting up established borders... But this post is about gratitude.
Right now I just want to dedicate my garden to Sheri.
Thank You Sheri for being you!!
I have a blog friend, Sheri, who sent me several messages of encouragement.
There is an area outside my sun room that was recently destroyed by a storm. I had created a beautiful shade garden that was suddenly filled with afternoon sun. All the hard work of planting ferns, hostas and impatiens was ruined overnight. I was despairing about it one morning blog and Sheri responded with an understanding word of encouragement.
Probably without knowing how much her words affected me-I decided to make the most of the hand I'd been dealt. This new outlook spilled over into so many areas of both my garden and my life (much to the despair of my neighbor :) I busted up old stones that lined symmetrical borders. I also built a river bed--mostly dry but able to channel rain (or tears) when needed.
So I've been working hard to make the most of the area that means so much to me. I could ramble for paragraphs about what this experience has taught me...turning shade into sunshine....busting up established borders... But this post is about gratitude.
Right now I just want to dedicate my garden to Sheri.
entry to the garden
new path leading into garden
area outside my serenity room
(shaded now but soon to be filled with sun)
view from my serenity room
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Mag 27
once sparkling and new-
the threads of our joints
moved and intertwined
freely....
joining one another
smoothly
without effort
creating a union
that was unique
to us alone
serving a purpose
that only we-
two parts joined as one-
could serve
but time and age
brought inevitable
deterioration
no longer able to
seperate without
one or both crumbling
a union once necessary
-now old
-no longer serving the grander purpose
possibly forgotten
except by us
for Magpie Tales
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Acceptance
I opened my eyes this morning and the demon of depression was perched at the foot of my bed...I knew he would be there....even clamping my eyelids shut and turning the other direction did not outwit him. He is quick and stealthy....always able to anticipate my every move....and thought.....
"if only they loved me"...."what is it about me that caused them so much disappointment?" he whispered in my ear............
a song suddenly appeared out of the shadows of my mind-
"All we need is love....da,da,da,da,dah.....All we need is love"
"NO!" a voice within me responded--"ALL WE NEED IS ACCEPTANCE".
LOVE HAS BEEN CHEAPENED AND DISGUISED.....I LOVE LOTS OF PEOPLE....BUT I STILL SIT IN JUDGEMENT OF THEIR ACTIONS, LIVES AND BELIEFS.
Acceptance.......i wanted to write a poem about acceptance.
Forcing myself out of bed and grabbing a cup of coffee, I headed to the sunroom with journal and pen in hand. As I searched for a fresh, clean page to unload my thoughts...I reread some of my writings over the last few weeks. I've been reading a book called "Entering the Castle". The most recent chapter has been on spiritual graces that we need to meditate on and develop. The list consists of: compassion, harmony, wisdom, love, endurance, humor, patience, healing and vision.
I reread my own writings:
vision-the "acceptance: of circumstances before everything works out for the best"
harmony-"accept what I have now"
healing-"acceptance of myself with all my flaws...allow things to flow through me. I don't have to evaluate everything--nor am I responsible"
endurance-"coming together with harmony, vision and healing...planting my feet/heart firmly on the rock of Jesus Christ--the giver of all....the Lord of creation".
Looking up I notice the demon is gone.......I accept this gift......no exceptions!
"if only they loved me"...."what is it about me that caused them so much disappointment?" he whispered in my ear............
a song suddenly appeared out of the shadows of my mind-
"All we need is love....da,da,da,da,dah.....All we need is love"
"NO!" a voice within me responded--"ALL WE NEED IS ACCEPTANCE".
LOVE HAS BEEN CHEAPENED AND DISGUISED.....I LOVE LOTS OF PEOPLE....BUT I STILL SIT IN JUDGEMENT OF THEIR ACTIONS, LIVES AND BELIEFS.
Acceptance.......i wanted to write a poem about acceptance.
Forcing myself out of bed and grabbing a cup of coffee, I headed to the sunroom with journal and pen in hand. As I searched for a fresh, clean page to unload my thoughts...I reread some of my writings over the last few weeks. I've been reading a book called "Entering the Castle". The most recent chapter has been on spiritual graces that we need to meditate on and develop. The list consists of: compassion, harmony, wisdom, love, endurance, humor, patience, healing and vision.
I reread my own writings:
vision-the "acceptance: of circumstances before everything works out for the best"
harmony-"accept what I have now"
healing-"acceptance of myself with all my flaws...allow things to flow through me. I don't have to evaluate everything--nor am I responsible"
endurance-"coming together with harmony, vision and healing...planting my feet/heart firmly on the rock of Jesus Christ--the giver of all....the Lord of creation".
Looking up I notice the demon is gone.......I accept this gift......no exceptions!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Window Lickin'
Recently I decided to allow myself some emotional freedom...sort of a "think outside the box" approach....
My new approach to life has manifested itself mostly in my yard.
I dug up all the symmetrical paving stones that defined the borders of the beds. I smashed some, turned some on their side and placed some upside down---trying to achieve a "crumbled foundation" look.
I love it but evidently my neighbor does not. He's one of those guys whose shrubs are all perfectly rounded, trimmed and evenly matched.
Yesterday I discovered that he had rearranged my stones back into their original symmetrical fashion. At first I was angry but I decided to just rescatter them in my very askew fashion. Then I sat back to watch his response as he arrived home.
Priceless!!!!
He actually came up to me and said my new bed "looks like somebody just dumped some rocks and left them". I thanked him and told him that was the look I was trying to achieve.
As he walked away, I sat back down to enjoy my creation and realized this new outlook on life may seem a little crazy to some.
Then it came to me....
"I'm window lickin' on the short bus of life"
the glass is cool
the sensation on my tongue
ignites a feeling within me
that i long to explore
the bus is yellow---like the sun
my destination is unknown
but.....i don't care
i'm enjoying the ride
My new approach to life has manifested itself mostly in my yard.
I dug up all the symmetrical paving stones that defined the borders of the beds. I smashed some, turned some on their side and placed some upside down---trying to achieve a "crumbled foundation" look.
I love it but evidently my neighbor does not. He's one of those guys whose shrubs are all perfectly rounded, trimmed and evenly matched.
Yesterday I discovered that he had rearranged my stones back into their original symmetrical fashion. At first I was angry but I decided to just rescatter them in my very askew fashion. Then I sat back to watch his response as he arrived home.
Priceless!!!!
He actually came up to me and said my new bed "looks like somebody just dumped some rocks and left them". I thanked him and told him that was the look I was trying to achieve.
As he walked away, I sat back down to enjoy my creation and realized this new outlook on life may seem a little crazy to some.
Then it came to me....
"I'm window lickin' on the short bus of life"
the glass is cool
the sensation on my tongue
ignites a feeling within me
that i long to explore
the bus is yellow---like the sun
my destination is unknown
but.....i don't care
i'm enjoying the ride
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Soul Sharing
Recently I've taken up reading the archived posts of the blogs I follow. It has been especially fascinating to watch individuals evolve in the blog world. It also gives a special insight to new found friends that I probably will never meet. I can say for myself that blogging allows me to safely reveal parts of me that I normally would not share because of my insecurity. There is safety in anonymity (and so far I've only received acceptance). Suz recently called it "masterbation of the soul"...very well put!
Last night I was drawn to a new site authored by Templeton's Fury. If you suffer from depression or deal with someone dealing with depression, I highly recommend this blog. Especially her earlier works done in June and July. She is absolutely masterful with her words in describing depression and also has a great sense of humor depicted in many other posts.
Anyway, I would like to thank everyone who shares their hearts and makes themselves vulnerable by opening their lives me. It really helps me with my healing process and to diffuse the bomb of isolation.
P.S. If you really want experience an awesome evolution.....go back and read some waystation one early works.
Happy Blog Day to Everyone!!!!!
Last night I was drawn to a new site authored by Templeton's Fury. If you suffer from depression or deal with someone dealing with depression, I highly recommend this blog. Especially her earlier works done in June and July. She is absolutely masterful with her words in describing depression and also has a great sense of humor depicted in many other posts.
Anyway, I would like to thank everyone who shares their hearts and makes themselves vulnerable by opening their lives me. It really helps me with my healing process and to diffuse the bomb of isolation.
P.S. If you really want experience an awesome evolution.....go back and read some waystation one early works.
Happy Blog Day to Everyone!!!!!
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Theme Thursday
hands on the wheel of my life
course confidently mapped-
suddenly
i found myself
overboard
into the unexpected
flailing with fear
swallowed whole
disoriented
longing to breathe and
desperate for direction
struggling alone
against the unknown
--------------
against hope
the hand of innocence appeared
initially stubborn to accept the offered choice
of survival
only exhaustion forced me
to surrender
reaching for the hand of a child
she pulled me into the Light--
into the heart of God
reborn
baptized in the sea of unconditional love
this is a Theme Thursday tribute to my granddaughter who has "temporarily" lived with us for almost 4 years
course confidently mapped-
suddenly
i found myself
overboard
into the unexpected
flailing with fear
swallowed whole
disoriented
longing to breathe and
desperate for direction
struggling alone
against the unknown
--------------
against hope
the hand of innocence appeared
initially stubborn to accept the offered choice
of survival
only exhaustion forced me
to surrender
reaching for the hand of a child
she pulled me into the Light--
into the heart of God
reborn
baptized in the sea of unconditional love
this is a Theme Thursday tribute to my granddaughter who has "temporarily" lived with us for almost 4 years
Thursday, July 29, 2010
mag 25
some say
the eyes are the keys to the soul
i know where the key lies
the key is to see
the lies
with the eyes of my soul
swallow the key
close the I's
never to be opened
unless
picked by an
unwelcome intruder
...or blind trust
there is no key
only the i of my soul
Monday, July 26, 2010
Striving
Once again I find myself sitting in my sun room overlooking the backyard. This is the place I am drawn to lately...my meditation room. Each morning I try to steal some time to sit, pray and prepare for the day.
The windows overlook an area of my backyard that was the focus of my attention this past spring. Trees provided daily shade and a very tranquil feel. Many an hour and dollar were spent planning and planting a nice shade garden that included multiple varieties of hostas, impatiens, and ferns. As the perfect backdrop, I hung three coconut straw baskets that trailed vines and flowers.
About a month ago I came home from work after a very long, grueling shift to find that a storm had taken out a large branch of the center tree. My shade garden was now filled with sun for most of the day.
For weeks I have struggled for ideas to salvage my original plans. As a quick aesthetic fix I planted some sun loving plants in my coconut baskets but every thing wilted and died.....or so I thought.
Two weeks ago I noticed a squirrel in a basket gathering pieces of the coconut hay. He jumped from basket to basket trampling each and every plant. My first reaction was to put cactus and succulents in their place to deter the pest but gradually I've come to notice many a bird gathering straw from the same baskets...wrens, cardinals, robins and finches.
This morning I sat down and began to offer up my usual prayer of forgiveness.....frustrated with myself and my inability to be what I long and strive to be.....
Looking up at the frayed baskets outside the window, an idea occurred to me...instead of spending so much time and effort trying to deter the squirrels and birds---I will just allow them free access to the straw and place feeders in the center of the baskets. (Maybe as a compromise, I could cut holes in the bottom of the baskets and plant some trailing vine ;).
The windows overlook an area of my backyard that was the focus of my attention this past spring. Trees provided daily shade and a very tranquil feel. Many an hour and dollar were spent planning and planting a nice shade garden that included multiple varieties of hostas, impatiens, and ferns. As the perfect backdrop, I hung three coconut straw baskets that trailed vines and flowers.
About a month ago I came home from work after a very long, grueling shift to find that a storm had taken out a large branch of the center tree. My shade garden was now filled with sun for most of the day.
For weeks I have struggled for ideas to salvage my original plans. As a quick aesthetic fix I planted some sun loving plants in my coconut baskets but every thing wilted and died.....or so I thought.
Two weeks ago I noticed a squirrel in a basket gathering pieces of the coconut hay. He jumped from basket to basket trampling each and every plant. My first reaction was to put cactus and succulents in their place to deter the pest but gradually I've come to notice many a bird gathering straw from the same baskets...wrens, cardinals, robins and finches.
This morning I sat down and began to offer up my usual prayer of forgiveness.....frustrated with myself and my inability to be what I long and strive to be.....
Looking up at the frayed baskets outside the window, an idea occurred to me...instead of spending so much time and effort trying to deter the squirrels and birds---I will just allow them free access to the straw and place feeders in the center of the baskets. (Maybe as a compromise, I could cut holes in the bottom of the baskets and plant some trailing vine ;).
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Absolute Surrender
For some reason it never occurred to me that everything I've been through in life may not have been God's perfect and holy will, but He did allow it to happen.
Just like Joseph and his many colored coat.....chapters of my life that brought so much pain and anguish....were transformed from years of isolation and misunderstanding into the exact person at the exact time in history to fulfill God's plan.
Have I fulfilled the plan???
am I fulfilling the plan???
will I fulfill the plan???
Regardless...
With my absolute surrender comes His absolute sovereignty and the peace that indwells knowing I am who, where and what He wants me to be--right here---right now.
I am a mere interpretation of the "me" He truly sees.
I am just an image of the eternal "me".
Layers of life
perfectly placed
against the backdrop of my heart
Beams from heaven
dissected into various hues
by the prism of my flesh
Images----
of divine nature
cast upon rippled pools
----ever shifting
----ever changing
Reflections----
of what only a
Master could create
I pose
in
Absolute Surrender
Just like Joseph and his many colored coat.....chapters of my life that brought so much pain and anguish....were transformed from years of isolation and misunderstanding into the exact person at the exact time in history to fulfill God's plan.
Have I fulfilled the plan???
am I fulfilling the plan???
will I fulfill the plan???
Regardless...
With my absolute surrender comes His absolute sovereignty and the peace that indwells knowing I am who, where and what He wants me to be--right here---right now.
I am a mere interpretation of the "me" He truly sees.
I am just an image of the eternal "me".
Layers of life
perfectly placed
against the backdrop of my heart
Beams from heaven
dissected into various hues
by the prism of my flesh
Images----
of divine nature
cast upon rippled pools
----ever shifting
----ever changing
Reflections----
of what only a
Master could create
I pose
in
Absolute Surrender
Saturday, July 17, 2010
serendipity
dollars... tucked away
some in pocket
some in purse
held close...fearing loss
eager for adventure
giggling with anticipation
innocence tumbling
through an open door
searching for a treasure...
one finds easily
one watches carefully
one takes inventory
and moves on
longing to find their desires...
one spends freely
one holds tightly
one coaxes a toddler
away from the street
praying I will always remember...
moments
tucked away
held close...fearing loss
A beautiful Saturday spent garage saling with three grandchildren. I was blessed with a newfound perspective and appreciation for each of their unique personalities and how they approached the endeavor.
some in pocket
some in purse
held close...fearing loss
eager for adventure
giggling with anticipation
innocence tumbling
through an open door
searching for a treasure...
one finds easily
one watches carefully
one takes inventory
and moves on
longing to find their desires...
one spends freely
one holds tightly
one coaxes a toddler
away from the street
praying I will always remember...
moments
tucked away
held close...fearing loss
A beautiful Saturday spent garage saling with three grandchildren. I was blessed with a newfound perspective and appreciation for each of their unique personalities and how they approached the endeavor.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Every day children are subjected to acts of horrific violence.
Today my heart is heavy with grief.
My thoughts led me down a path that could only attempt to imagine what it would be like to live in an impoverished environment where violence, drugs and other unspeakable acts of darkness are considered commonplace.
Innocence collected by gloved strangers
Echoes of childhood--
boxed and shelved
Peace is a prayer
Fear the companion
Today my heart is heavy with grief.
My thoughts led me down a path that could only attempt to imagine what it would be like to live in an impoverished environment where violence, drugs and other unspeakable acts of darkness are considered commonplace.
Innocence collected by gloved strangers
Echoes of childhood--
boxed and shelved
Peace is a prayer
Fear the companion
Monday, June 28, 2010
Magpie Tales
strove for perfection
and glistened with innocent
trust
But years stained the palette
and yellowed the page...
while innocence faded
to dusk
Though youth now recedes-
and tarnish with age
though frames become wrinkled
with time
The jar by my bed
will hold joy of my life-
his hand gently cradled
in mine
written for Magpie Tales
BLUE
"I'm so blue"
is often said
when heart is long
and tears run free
"I'm so blue"
why does it mean
that darkness nears
and overtakes
Blue to me...
the color of sky
a robin's egg
the ocean wide
Blue to me...
the eyes I trust
the color of peace
in arms of love
for Theme Thursday
is often said
when heart is long
and tears run free
"I'm so blue"
why does it mean
that darkness nears
and overtakes
Blue to me...
the color of sky
a robin's egg
the ocean wide
Blue to me...
the eyes I trust
the color of peace
in arms of love
for Theme Thursday
Friday, June 25, 2010
should a pure white cloud
lonG for the colors of a rainbow
or a raindrop
wish to be a breeze
each a treasure that weaves
a wondrous creation
so are the gIfts of each
circumstance
treasures of time
freely giVen
every beat of my heart
and breath of my life
seEds to be planted-
nourished
to create
glory
whether the rain
heed the SoN
God in ME
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Stillness
As I was walking out of my granddaughter's daycare today, I happened to notice a bluebird perched on the branch of a crepe myrtle. Something made me stop to appreciate the beautiful richness of the blue on his back combined with the red breast. When I approached he flew away but happened to land on my car. Again I stopped and wondered at such an awesome creation. Deep within me I felt that I had been given a sign from God of reassurance that He was with me and wanted me to know how special I am to Him.
When I arrived back at home, I felt an urgency to begin working on the many tasks that were bombarding my brain....make the beds, do the dishes, wash some clothes, sweep the floors. Then a still voice within me beckoned me to my sunroom to just sit, be still and enjoy the quiet of the morning.
So here I sit with a cup of tea. In the distance I hear a train and watch as birds fly in and out of the trees outside the window. At first I had to struggle with my mind to overcome the feeling that I was being lazy or irresponsible. Then I looked down at my hands. I mean really looked at my hands...and realized they have lost their youth. Fifty years have past...life hasn't been easy...it shows in my hands...
When I look up I see a robin sitting on our fence. He's a bit odd because he has a black and white speckled head. We first noticed him when we moved here almost five years ago and he has remained a constant visitor throughout all the seasons. My husband and I speculate that he is quite old. I’m not sure if birds grow white on top as they age- but that is the tale we tell of him. Often times I have tried to take a picture of this unusual bird but have yet to capture him on film. A frequent, elusive visitor...I know the day will come when I realize I haven't seen him for a while.
My mind stills itself as I once again sense the gift of reassurance that I am special and I feel comforted. Peaceful stillness...my elusive visitor. I take another sip of tea.
When I arrived back at home, I felt an urgency to begin working on the many tasks that were bombarding my brain....make the beds, do the dishes, wash some clothes, sweep the floors. Then a still voice within me beckoned me to my sunroom to just sit, be still and enjoy the quiet of the morning.
So here I sit with a cup of tea. In the distance I hear a train and watch as birds fly in and out of the trees outside the window. At first I had to struggle with my mind to overcome the feeling that I was being lazy or irresponsible. Then I looked down at my hands. I mean really looked at my hands...and realized they have lost their youth. Fifty years have past...life hasn't been easy...it shows in my hands...
When I look up I see a robin sitting on our fence. He's a bit odd because he has a black and white speckled head. We first noticed him when we moved here almost five years ago and he has remained a constant visitor throughout all the seasons. My husband and I speculate that he is quite old. I’m not sure if birds grow white on top as they age- but that is the tale we tell of him. Often times I have tried to take a picture of this unusual bird but have yet to capture him on film. A frequent, elusive visitor...I know the day will come when I realize I haven't seen him for a while.
My mind stills itself as I once again sense the gift of reassurance that I am special and I feel comforted. Peaceful stillness...my elusive visitor. I take another sip of tea.
Monday, June 7, 2010
why
We have a granddaughter that lives with us. She has been in our home since she was two. She is now five. It was meant to be a temporary situation. Her parents interact with her just enough to keep the hope alive that someday she will be reunited with them. Their constant disappointment is just enough to break her precious and trusting heart and brings her to sobbing tears. All while our legal system protects her parents and their "parental rights".
I often become angry and verbally lash out at her parents.
I often ask God to take the burden of this child away.
I often ask God to bring a change of heart in her parents and occasionally start to believe....only to be disappointed and angry once again.
I often raise my anger toward God and ask "why?". Don't I deserve to enjoy my golden years? Didn't all those years as a single parent struggling to survive and raise two children merit me a little peace now that mine are grown?
Then, I hear her laughter or she hugs my leg.
Envy
of contentment
invades me
as one who
has been violated
in the most
intimate of ways
Unable to wash
away the filth
of guilt
reflected by
ingratitude
Aware that I
am known
past, present, future
and still loved
i
writhe against
your attempts to
still my soul
Desiring only to free
myself
from my chains
A slave struggling
to be free
Spurning
the gift
i long to possess
still
i ask why
knowing i should
be overcome with
gratitude
as one found entrusted
with a life
asked to be lived
in faith
i recognize
why
I often become angry and verbally lash out at her parents.
I often ask God to take the burden of this child away.
I often ask God to bring a change of heart in her parents and occasionally start to believe....only to be disappointed and angry once again.
I often raise my anger toward God and ask "why?". Don't I deserve to enjoy my golden years? Didn't all those years as a single parent struggling to survive and raise two children merit me a little peace now that mine are grown?
Then, I hear her laughter or she hugs my leg.
Envy
of contentment
invades me
as one who
has been violated
in the most
intimate of ways
Unable to wash
away the filth
of guilt
reflected by
ingratitude
Aware that I
am known
past, present, future
and still loved
i
writhe against
your attempts to
still my soul
Desiring only to free
myself
from my chains
A slave struggling
to be free
Spurning
the gift
i long to possess
still
i ask why
knowing i should
be overcome with
gratitude
as one found entrusted
with a life
asked to be lived
in faith
i recognize
why
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Brian at waystationone wrote a piece the other day about a child I assume was in foster care.
I can't stop thinking about that child....what does the future hold for someone tossed around by life void of love and security?
eyes bloodshot
body tweaking
begging for the
absolution that only a
chemical can bestow
modesty long lost
lifestyle apparent
i am instantly behind
the wheel of judgement-
ready to remove society
of it's burden
then you touch my hand-
my first instinct is to withdraw...
who knows what
lingers there?
thoughts invades my conscience...
you were once a child...
did anyone ever care?
did anyone ever hold
your hand when it was small?
slowly i release your grasp...
walking away
trying to breath through
the hand of judgement
smothering
my shame
I can't stop thinking about that child....what does the future hold for someone tossed around by life void of love and security?
eyes bloodshot
body tweaking
begging for the
absolution that only a
chemical can bestow
modesty long lost
lifestyle apparent
i am instantly behind
the wheel of judgement-
ready to remove society
of it's burden
then you touch my hand-
my first instinct is to withdraw...
who knows what
lingers there?
thoughts invades my conscience...
you were once a child...
did anyone ever care?
did anyone ever hold
your hand when it was small?
slowly i release your grasp...
walking away
trying to breath through
the hand of judgement
smothering
my shame
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Mag 16
passing....
my eyes wander
and i am suddenly
drawn to your
elegance
vernal youth
and raw inexperience
enticed by desire
knowing that you
are forbidden
only enhances my longing
as i fantasize that first touch
reality!!
consequences!!
resound within me
guilt overcomes me
betrayal
of the one who has supported me
in my moments of need
warmth and peace
encompass my soul
with thoughts of our
intimacy...
your familiarity of my
each and every curve
contentment
brings a smile
empowered by the
conquering
of the temptation...
to buy new shoes
please visit my friends at Magpie Tales
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
crumpled and tossed aside
i feel faint
with the knowledge of
what the future holds-
my life passes
before me
a mere thought...
ending in disappointment
and failure-
powerless...
i still myself
and await the final
blaze
that will extinguish
a life never lived-
surrounded by others
whose fate
mirrors my own-
a legacy of waste
stirring
slowly
a wisp of illumination
begins to dissolve the shroud of
frustration
warm breezes of words
lift me from an eternity of lost
retrieved by hope
i welcome pain
as ebony injects
renewal
into my pores-
the comfort
of being reborn
brings release-
inspiration
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Mag 15
lying on the shore
of humanity
lured by envy and desire
gasping for the
life-giving source
snared by artifice
wide-eyed with fear
released by mercy
loves passes
through
gliding once again
in the cool waters
of grace
please visit my friends at Magpie Tales
Saturday, May 22, 2010
dear God
something clicked in my brain yesterday
i felt a spark of joy
(i'm afraid to fan it into flame)
is happiness held in my head
waiting for you to flip the switch or
is this chemically induced
or both
am i healed
or am i waiting for another flip
of the switch
You guide me beside still waters
You restore my soul
yea though i walk through the valley...
with you there is always
hope
with hope there is always
light
where there is light
there is an origin
where there is an origin
there is an end
of all things good and bad
and you said....
"Let there be light,"
and there was light.
You saw that the light was good,
and you separated the light from the darkness.
The light you called "day"
and the darkness you called "night"
And there was evening
and there was morning---
the first day.
thank You God
for my
origin
for my spiritual origin
for my earthly origin
and now
for my emotional origin
give me the wisdom,
to live this day
in integrity
and when it comes...
the night
but most of all
thank You God
for this
light
you call
day
with love
amy
something clicked in my brain yesterday
i felt a spark of joy
(i'm afraid to fan it into flame)
is happiness held in my head
waiting for you to flip the switch or
is this chemically induced
or both
am i healed
or am i waiting for another flip
of the switch
You guide me beside still waters
You restore my soul
yea though i walk through the valley...
with you there is always
hope
with hope there is always
light
where there is light
there is an origin
where there is an origin
there is an end
of all things good and bad
and you said....
"Let there be light,"
and there was light.
You saw that the light was good,
and you separated the light from the darkness.
The light you called "day"
and the darkness you called "night"
And there was evening
and there was morning---
the first day.
thank You God
for my
origin
for my spiritual origin
for my earthly origin
and now
for my emotional origin
give me the wisdom,
to live this day
in integrity
and when it comes...
the night
but most of all
thank You God
for this
light
you call
day
with love
amy
Thursday, May 20, 2010
there is a custodian where i work
(environmental services i suppose i should say)
he wouldn't care if i called him
a janitor
i don't know his name
he is a man of color
he has a caribbean accent
he is gray on top
and he is always
smiling
he is so genuine
when he says "how are you?"
he stops
and waits for an answer
he means it
i wonder...
what is his story?
how lucky he is
i bet his mother was always smiling
...and singing
i bet she was singing
i wonder....
how does he do it?
how does he do......................it?
does he know how lucky he is?
(he's a janitor for God's sake)
does he envy me
and the salary i make?
there is no envy in him
only in me
(environmental services i suppose i should say)
he wouldn't care if i called him
a janitor
i don't know his name
he is a man of color
he has a caribbean accent
he is gray on top
and he is always
smiling
he is so genuine
when he says "how are you?"
he stops
and waits for an answer
he means it
i wonder...
what is his story?
how lucky he is
i bet his mother was always smiling
...and singing
i bet she was singing
i wonder....
how does he do it?
how does he do......................it?
does he know how lucky he is?
(he's a janitor for God's sake)
does he envy me
and the salary i make?
there is no envy in him
only in me
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
emotions
Kaleidoscopes of doubt
intrude my mind
slowly i uncoil
myriads of light
force themselves
weight imposes
pressing against the
power of emotions
i rise
anyway
intrude my mind
slowly i uncoil
myriads of light
force themselves
weight imposes
pressing against the
power of emotions
i rise
anyway
Monday, May 17, 2010
Jane
the sound
of the written
germinates
within me
powerful emotions-
painted on wood
turning my heart
from steel
to fire
and back again-
precise recognition
of feelings
rebirth of
emotions
memories
tributes
to treasures stolen from
long forgotten moments-
childhood and
beyond
memories
wretched from
gray hibernation
and resonating
shades of black
or white
depending on
the moon
and God
Sunday, May 16, 2010
moments of me and you
warm days of summer
....mingling
cool autumn air
drops of dew
....tickling
our tent
tongues of fire
....stabbing
star choked nights
fall colored leaves
....tempting
mountain trails
sweat and sun
....smearing
day weary shirts
lusty green eyes
....gazing
....grazing
visions of blue
....Moments of me and you
....mingling
cool autumn air
drops of dew
....tickling
our tent
tongues of fire
....stabbing
star choked nights
fall colored leaves
....tempting
mountain trails
sweat and sun
....smearing
day weary shirts
lusty green eyes
....gazing
....grazing
visions of blue
....Moments of me and you
Friday, May 14, 2010
Ruby Nell
Sitting on the front porch
playing "I spy"
while shelling peas
(shelling peas was fun then)
Playing in the dirt for hours
...matchbox cars and old spoons
... she worked the garden
Following behind
Shoes with holes
and faded dresses---
pedaling produce
at the local grocer
Shucking corn in the kitchen
Eating homemade, hot biscuits
slathered with sorghum molasses
Wringer washers and threats of
crushed limbs
"As the World Turns" for her
"Dark Shadows" for us
Standing at the stove...
always cooking, canning, freezing
Chocolate pies
with meringue-perfectly browned
spilling over the edge
No fancy dishes
Nothing that matched
Except her beautiful, blue eyes
Grandmama
Ruby Nell
for Magpie Tales #14-- http://www.magpietales.blogspot.com/
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Mystery: "What ARE they saying?"
"But I must hug the tree..."
"BUT YOU CAN'T HUG THE TREE..."
(there's one in every crowd)
"Darling could you help me with
this chastity belt?
I feel the overwhelming need to push!"
"For some odd reason, I feel I should pursue a career in plumbing."
"My name is Sara Cophagus. Could you assist me?
I'm feeling a bit unwound."
submitted for Theme Thursday---visit at http://www.themethursday.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Ever have a brilliant thought
that flees straight from your mind
You wonder, will it return
Have I the chance to find...
The moment that I'd love to share
with those I love to love
It's gone-alas
this fleet idea
and left me here alone.
A thought went up my mind to-day
That I have had before,
But did not finish,---some way back,
I could not fix the year,
Nor where it went, nor why it came
The second time to me,
Nor definitely what it was,
Have I the art to say.
But somewhere in my soul, I know
I've met the thing before;
It just reminded me--'t was all--
And came my way no more.
E.D.---of course ;)
Saturday, May 8, 2010
eye think
therefore
eye yam
eye yam not
what
you
think
eye yam from the
south
eye yam proud of
my southage
eye yam thankful
that You
hear me
Eye
yam
YES, I YAM!
please check http://www.magpietales.blogspot.com/. so much more than me
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Time pricks the dawn
as dew penetrates the night
walking away from the rust
of ideals once held sacred
and polished daily
new replaces old
sunrise on the fringes
of conformity
Resolution fades into
acceptance
Contentment refreshes the air
as struggles from the past
become shadows in the distance
Beginning again
Transparency without
intimidation
Awakening
Revelation
Revival
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